The Courage to Be

A Conversation with Clare Edwards - Principal of BrainSmart

Today's guest is Clare Edwards, a Principal of BrainSmart Consulting and committed to enabling people to work smarter, lead effectively and thrive in a world of constant change.

Clare is particularly passionate about the people side of change, a critical success factor in any change initiative, and works with teams and leaders to transition from change being feared to being embraced.

Clare talks to some of her own personal transitions and the emotional experiences she had moving through them.

We start with Clare's earlier years, she grew up in Liverpool, a very catholic family, it was expected that Clare would get married in her twenties and have children. 

That didn't happen for Clare, by choice.

Clare draws on a very big moment in her life, when her mum asked her to witness her Dad asking for a divorce. At a similar time in her life, in-between leaving school and starting college, Clare became infatuated with a man who turned out to be an abuser.

We hear how Clare built up the courage and confidence to leave this relationship and her realisation that she would have to leave the country and fled too Holland.

It is here that Clare shares her story of hope and we hear her innate talent to see the gift in the challenge. In every challenge, on reflection, Clare can find that gift in it.

It's important that Clare shares her personal stories to show others that there are ways to think about the situation differently.

Finding the questions that will facilitate the insights for clients is one of Clare strengths. Towards the end of the interview with get to hear more of Clare's approach to coaching.

• "Learn to sit with silence"
• "I am driven to normalise change for people"
• "It is important to acknowledge and give grace to the old"
• "If someone is resisting change it means they are hurting, they need to be acknowledged"
• "See me, hear me, feel me and acknowledge me"

You can find out more about Brain Smart at https://brain-smart.com/who/ and follow Clare on Linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/in/beingbrainsmart

As always thank you for listening and if you think this can help someone else, a friend, colleague or family member please do share.

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Introducing Season Two with Elizabeth Cairns

Welcome back to Season Two. I am so excited for what's to come this season  - there are some wonderful guests on board, guests who are courageously willing to share their stories, particularly ones of struggle, vulnerability, crashing and rising again.

To introduce Season Two, I myself am sitting in the guest seat, being interviewed by the wonderful Elizabeth Cairns. 

If you haven’t yet subscribed, visit sineadmillard.com and click on your favourite podcast app. You'll get a new episode delivered straight to your podcast app fortnightly.

Here's to Season Two guys, I’m excited to share it with you all.

Wrapping Up Season 1

And that's a wrap for Season One! Did you enjoy it? In this final episode (of Season One), I talk to that ONE thing that stood out through each of the guest interviews. All of the guests on my show had one thing in common - the Courage to Be  - but each had their own story to tell within that. 

 

Thank you all so much for your support, energy and feedback since launching. 

 

I look forward to bringing you some new and exciting guests in Season Two. If there is someone you would like to hear on the show do let me know. 

If you haven't yet subscribed pop over to your favourite podcast app and hit the subscribe button so you pick up the first episode of Season Two as soon as it launches. 

As always, thank you all for listening. 

 

 

Nick Evans - Ex All Black

In today's interview I speak with former All-Black player, Nick Evans. 

Nick made his Debut with the All Blacks in 2004 and he describes what that was like for him to live out his childhood dream.

Nick takes us through some of the tougher moments that he experienced throughout his playing career, in particular being dropped by the All Blacks.

Whilst this was a time of pain and hardship he knew he had to get clear on why he was dropped and he did. So much so, Nick was brought back into the squad soon after. 

It's interesting to hear about Nick's childhood. He talks about being a product of our environment and how his childhood has influenced both his playing and now coaching career.

We hear about his transition from player to coach and some of the obvious challenges that come with any transition and how he has and is continuing to deal with some of those challenges.

One of the key take aways from this interview was Nick's capacity to reflect and learn from failure. 

"Everyone wants to be told you're doing a good job. No one wants to hear that you're doing a bad job, but actually if you're doing a bad job, you need to hear it. You need to be clear, you need that critical feedback to allow you to grow and change things and change your path and get better and improve."

If you enjoyed this episode, please do subscribe on your favourite podcast app - and even better, leave a review, I would love to hear your feedback.

As always, thanks for listening.

Build Your Wings on the Way Down

 “Jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down.” ― Ray Bradbury

In today's episode we look at what it really means to "build your wings on the way down".

Getting started can be hard, with resistance high before taking that first step/leap/jump. For that reason we find much inspiration out there to get us started for example "start before you're ready" by Steven Pressfield. But once we start what happens? Do we soar romantically through the sky? Not always, sometimes we feel like we are falling, picking up bruises and cuts along the way. But with each graze comes a new learning and with each learning comes a more informed decision. More information, more knowledge.

If you want to delve deeper into this topic as it relate to your own personal circumstances then please do contact me through my website https://sineadmillard.com/contact/ to schedule a one on one focused session. 

As always, thank you for listening. 

The Courage to Use Your Voice

"Speaking, voice, message it belongs to all of us. The day of stage speakers only, motivational speakers only, speaking to sell, are long gone. Every single one of us has a voice. Every single one of us has a responsibility to use our voice. The places that your voice is going to make the difference is in living rooms, in bedrooms, in offices, at community events, in the train station. I hope you don’t wait to get on the stage to use your voice. Your best work is done off stage. "  - Lisa Nichols talk on How to Use Your Voice

Link to Lisa's talk: https://podcast.mindvalley.com/lisa-nichols-use-your-voice/

All too often I hear people say that "I didn't know my voice matters" or "I don't really have much to share" but there is a huge loss in this thinking, for two reasons. Firstly, others miss out on the gift of your voice and you loose out on the gift that comes with using your voice. Secondly, it dilutes your self-worth and in return your confidence. On some level you have told yourself that what you have to say is not enough, it doesn't matter. 

In this episode I urge you to:

Step 1: Think about an area, a situation or a relationship whereby you feel you are not speaking up?

Where are you feeling a desire to speak up, but suppressing that urge?

Step 2: What is your inner voice saying to you in that particular area/situation/relationship?

"if we want to talk about our outer communication we have to look at the inner communication" (Alexia Vernon)

Use your inner voice as your guide to what is getting in the way of you speaking up. 

Get clear on what that inner voice is saying, engage with it, challenge it. 

For example if you are struggling to speak up at work, what is that inner voice saying, is it saying "don't speak up, you will lose your credibility".

Then there is the inner voice that we want to listen to - the inner voice of wisdom, of intuition. 

“Instead of pretending to themselves, and to others that they are something they are not, they start listening to their own inner voice of wisdom and begin to make more authentic decisions about how to lead their lives” - Professor Steven Joseph 

Step 3:  Ask yourself, if I spoke up in this situation what would happen? Name it? 

Outline the worse case scenario, put a spotlight on it, the chances are you will realise that this worst case scenario is pretty unlikely. 

 

What does the The Courage to Use your Voice mean to you? What would it do for you, for your life, for the life of others if you started to use your voice in a more honest and courageous way. 

 

If you want to delve deeper into this topic as it relate to your own personal circumstances then please do contact me through my website https://sineadmillard.com/contact/ to schedule a one on one focused session. 

 

 

Loretta Ní Ghabháin - Founder & Director of Lorg Media

In today's episode I speak to the Founder & Director of the Award winning Production & Digital Marketing Agency Lorg Media. 

Loretta takes us back to some of the more uncomfortable decisions and choices she made before Lorg Media.

In particular leaving her full-time, very reputable job with a major national state broadcaster TG4, when at the time many people believed she was crazy to do so. 

Loretta draws on some of the challenges she experiences today as a working Mother and really delves deep in to the reality of that and how she deals with some of the pressure. 

Loretta had a very empowering childhood and shares some of those unique moments.

Loretta is a natural born story teller so I do hope you enjoy as much as I did (and listen out for the cúpla focail gailge throughout the interview). 

Loretta's "who are you not to be" mindset has taken her from Producer on the ground with the Oprah Winfrey Show to Founder of an award winning ⁣Production & Digital Marketing Agency Lorg Media.

 

⁣⁣"Its not about Loretta, its not about Lorg Media, its about shining a light on the great things that so many wonderful people are doing."

 

You can find Loretta @lorg_media. 

 

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Thanks for listening x 

 

 

 

 

 

The Courage to Lean into Transitions

Transitions come with their fair share of discontent, discomfort and frustration. For today's episode, the intention is to help shed some light on what you might be experiencing if you are currently going through a transition or help prepare you for future transitions. 

As a coach, many of my clients have recently been through a transition or going through one at the moment or sense that one is on the horizon. I myself have been on a few transitions over the past few years - leaving the industry that I had worked so hard within for so many years, soon after getting married, then becoming a mom, setting up my own business and moving countries in between.

One of the most useful resources on the topic of Transitions I believe is William Bridges who has written a book called Transitions  - Making sense of life changes.

Bridges makes a fundamental distinction between transition and change. Change is something that happens outside of us. It's external, it's situational. For example, you move to a new city, you change job, it's the birth of a baby or perhaps a death of a relative or a close friend and it's happening externally. Transition, on the other hand is how you deal with those events. It's the internal process, it's the internal reorientation and perhaps self redefinition that you have to go through as a consequence of the changes that have happened.

In today's episode I do draw on insights and stories as it relates to career change, but really these can be made relevant to any change and move from a to B.

As we enter into a transition very often it feels like something is falling apart. A deeper part of you is letting you know that there's something else that needs to happen. There's a different direction or approach needed to move forward. The feeling of discontent is almost like a symptom, a piece of information. When I sit in front of clients who are in a period of transition, they sometimes feel a little broken, but they're not broken. They're receiving information to look at something in order to move forward or to grow or to move through something in order to get to the other side.

Very often when we think of our career, for example, we think of it as this linear progression, but career is not a ladder. It's a winding road. Sometimes we get these little prompts in life that something is not working and the level of fulfilment that comes from listening to those prompts makes it very worthwhile.

We don't always hear people talking or sharing their experience of transitions and perhaps it's because we don't always know when we are going through a transition. If I look back at some of the transitions that I went through, I haven't really shared too much of the detail or the feelings that I experienced throughout that time. If I recall, my first year of being a mom, I remember going from this career woman who had all this freedom and independence to throw myself into my career, to live a very independent life, to now being a mom who had decided to leave the industry that she had worked so hard to grow within, to now not knowing what my future career looked like.

William Bridges has identified the three stages of any transition stage one being the ending, stage two being the neutral zone and stage three, the new beginning.

I'll draw on each of these throughout the episode. As I think about and recall the transitions that I've been through, I can safely say I bypassed the first stage, which was the ending. Very often we want to jump straight into the new beginning. We want to celebrate, we want to move into action without considering or taking time out to think about what we're leaving behind, what has ended, what we need to let go. 
 
I started to think about why we perhaps struggle to reflect on letting go or why letting go was so difficult or that reflection process.

And then there is the neutral stage. Definitely the stage that most people, myself included, struggle with the most with. It's boredom, the restlessness. It feels like there is a high degree of uncertainty. It requires a lot of patience. There is a lot of waiting. I have wanted to skip over this period. I've wanted to know the answers. I've wanted to become more fulfilled immediately. 

If I draw on the time I had left my career in marketing, one year in and I was beginning to feel frustrated that I had no answers. I was done exploring!  I wanted answers.

The neutral zone is almost like a holding pattern. A phase of life between an ending and a new beginning. It is easy to feel frustrated, impatient, restless, angry, sometimes frustrated, wanting to know. But it's a huge part of the process. A lot is going on inside even though sometimes it looks like there's very little happening to the outside.

 

I think this is a time whereby people dread that question of what it is you're doing. Society very often rewards action, doing, knowing, titles and roles. And when we feel like we're in a space where we can't answer those questions and we don't have those answers ourselves, it can be quite a struggle. But hang tight, this is not a time to jump into something or to make too many quick decisions.

There is something happening here. Even though the nature of the neutral zone and the inaction of the neutral zone makes it a little bit more difficult to see any progress or any growth, seek support. 

Then there is the final stage, which is the beginning. After doing the tough work of sitting through that period of neutrality, sitting through that discomfort of not knowing, the new way starts to feel right. The new beginning has been made or is unfolding and we start to see that the fear and the uncertainty that we had, particularly in that neutral zone, begins to dissolve a little.

For today's episode, the intention is to help shed some light on what you might be experiencing if you are currently going through a transition. And perhaps ask yourself what stage you're in. If you haven't yet gone through each of these stages, can you begin to work through them, if you haven't yet, for example, focused on stage one, which is the ending, which is the letting go, perhaps you can begin to start here and look at what that letting go can bring you as it relates to your transition. Of course, if you're not currently going through a transition, hopefully this can help you in the future. None of us can bypass change. And with change comes transition.

Thank you so much for listening. If there is something that you've heard in this episode that has resonated with you or perhaps you think it could benefit someone else, then please do share this link or start the conversation. If you haven't done so already, click on the subscribe button in your listening app. 

The Courage to Reflect and Learn from Our Mistakes

After interviewing ex-All Blacks player Nick Evans last week I was inspired by Nick’s capacity to reflect and learn from failure. To really diagnose the problem and articulate what needs to be done differently in the future. 

 

The intellectually thoughtful you and I may say we welcome failure and that we know we can learn from failure, but then there is the emotional you and I that very often struggles with it.

 

If we are not learning from each of our failures, it's hard to say if they are in fact contributing to our growth. 

 

The intention for today’s episode is to get clear on how you currently deal with failures and then develop a process for how you will deal with failures in the future.

 

I draw on some of Ray Dalio’s work in this area. Ray refers to mistake-based learning. 

 

If you enjoyed this episode, please do subscribe on your favourite podcast app - and even better, leave a review, I would love to hear your feedback.

 

As always, thanks for listening.  

Bernadette Dancy - Health and Exercise Coach

Bernadette used to be someone who was always exposing herself to challenges in order to be the best that she could be, pushing herself physically, mentally and professionally. This included achieving her PhD by the time she was 28, completing her Masters at Imperial College, running marathons and even ultra marathons!

Bernadette had little time or consideration for rest, recovery or recuperation, it just wasn’t something that sat comfortably with her. However, it eventually all caught up with her.

In 2016 she experienced burnout, exhaustion, low mood and anxiety. She was not sleeping more than 4 hours a night, struggling to get out of bed in the morning but wired at night meaning she couldn’t sleep no matter how much she tried. This was a strange situation to be in because she considered herself to be a fit person, She ran a lot and went to the gym and ate well, but pushing herself physically and mentally made her feel very unwell. Eventually she was diagnosed with chronic stress and adrenal fatigue.

As someone who was always surrounded by high achieving individuals (whether that was professional athletes or high achieving academics), the message was always "push harder". This was the story Bernadette started to tell herself, you need to push harder and harder. However, Bernadette found out there is a tipping point. 

"There is such a fine line - there is a tipping point that we are all trying to find and most often we find it by accident"

We all experience stress but knowing where the line is, where the tipping point is important. Very often we find the line when we go over it. For an athlete that may be an injury, for someone in corporate it might be burnout. 

As adults we need to continuously explore our needs and find ways to meet these needs. There is no one size fits all. 

Stress is inevitable, we can't prevent it, but we can build up our resilience in order to deal with it. We need to learn how to manage it. 

Can you treat yourself like an athlete?

Bernadette's explains that if we treated ourselves like athletes - "corporate athletes" - we would recognise that there is a need for rest and recovery in order to perform. Athletes recognise the importance of recovery in order to compete, this is no different for non-athletes, irrespective of the work we do.  

Bernadette shares her story openly and vulnerably and inspires deeply.

If you enjoyed this episode, please do subscribe on your favourite podcast app - and even better, leave a review, I would love to hear your feedback.

As always, thanks for listening.